I think there is more to it than just school. It's about the ability to learn, to see new perspectives, and gain knowledge. You can do it by taking different classes at school, workshops, community outreach, traveling, or even just reading.

I have always wished I could read more often because I can't really sit still and I get distracted easily. If not, I knock out. This semester, however, since I had so much time, I pushed myself to read a new book every month. I'm so happy I actually read 6 books (maybe even 2-3 if you include children's books lol) within 4-5 months because that's rare for me.
This is the last and my most favorite book that I've read while I was in Thailand.

I am so moved and inspired by this intelligent, and strong girl who believed in children's rights, and education. Most of all, I loved her father who supported her. I've never sat still trying to finish a book because it was THAT good. Reading this book made me realize how ignorant I am. I honestly never heard of Malala, and I never knew much about Pakistan, even though things like this happened last year and still continue to do so up to this day. It made me realize how I have to keep an open eye and ears about the world outside of my own. Read more, education more, challenge more, learn more, watch more, and listen more.
<3 I love you, Malala. You are the bravest of them all. Speak for your rights, and speak for others. You have been a dire inspiration to young women like us all. Whether your own people have said things against you, keep doing what you're doing because the rest of the world has your back. 

“Education is education. We should learn everything and then choose which path to follow." Education is neither Eastern nor Western, it is human.” 

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on. 

---Robert Frost 

Because I am my mother's daughter

It's not surprising when a parent judges other children based on their parents. As a child, you are the reflection of your parents. Either you continue to prove others that they're right, or you do something to prove that they're wrong.


I'm not going to praise on how beautiful and wonderful my mother is like others do.
Though to me, she's been my superwoman.

Yes, I know my mom is crazy. Yes, she doesn't always smile and brighten up the room like other graceful mothers. In fact, my mother has a stern face, and never really finds the most affectionate words to comfort us all. She just knows what to say to piss you off most of the time. My mother is anal as ever and has a stubborn attitude. Not only that, my mother has always been overprotective and conservative. She's not among many's favorite.

And because I am my mother's daughter, there I stand.
Shunned off because I am the crazy woman's daughter. Not all that favored because I don't waltz around the room with a bubbly attitude and an automated smile upon my face.

I'll tell you one thing though. That's the beauty of it all. Others may disagree about your personality because you're not as soft-spoken, bubbly, beautiful, or charming as another, but you'll always find a handful of people who actually understand you; who actually freakin' LOVE your personality, even if you're a dry person. Most of all, you'll find people who have similar characteristics as you do, or have gone through similar situations like you... so there you are joking about your stank faces, bad attitude, and laughing about your grim voices.

You're not alone. You'll never be alone.


Because I am my mother's daughter, here I now stand tall.
I'm freakin' crazy as ever. I intentionally carry on a serious face so others know not to mess with me, and to take me seriously. Yes, I like to scare people off because only those who face fear are the bravest; the bravest to get to know somebody, the bravest do not fall for misjudgments. This is why I love those mean-mugging bitches. They always end up being the most loyal friends. Most of all, they show you tough love like my mother does. What breaks you down only builds you to be a stronger you. I love how I have inherited my mother's stubbornness (to an extent) because I know when to fight for what I truly want, ie: studying abroad in Thailand. If I was obedient and listened to others, I would never build my own personality, and I would never find my own passion. It took 23 years for me to emphasize this: the world is mad. With my mother's absolute protection, I wouldn't have pushed myself to get out and see the light and its darkness. Not only that, but I would have been harmed and even dead without her pessimistic views because now I see that everybody can be just anybody who can harm you emotionally, mentally, and/or physically. And with her strict conservative ways, it's taught me to practice what I value: self-love, self-respect, fidelity, and being a role model and a reflection.

Because I am my mother's daughter, I now see her in me.
I always, always remember and cry for my mother when I'm sick because nobody can take care of me like she does.
So now, I share some of my mom's tips to my Hmong mothers. Wet the towel and lay it on your baby's head/chest to keep their body cool. Use Sensodyne toothpaste and floss your teeth if you have sensitive gum. Always find medicine instantly for your child, and make sure they take it twice a day after their meals.
I, now, too, constantly worry and notice when a child coughs.

So I would like to say, thank you, Mother. Thank you for being you, and creating me. Because without you, there wouldn't even be a ME. You may not be everybody's favorite, and you may not be the most affectionate mother, but you are my very own and only mother. I never speak a word misjudging any other mothers because I know how it feels like to be a mother's daughter. <3

Never again will I whisper in the shadows of intimidation. I am but a symbol of my people's struggle and a servant to their cause. And if I were to be killed for what I believe in, then let my blood be the beacon for emancipation and my words a revolutionary paradigm for generations to come.



-Malalai Joya

25 I Am's

I stole this from my cousin, Nikki. Awesome idea.
Time to unravel.

I am...

1.) Soul of a chameleon: I adapt easily.
2.) Open, yet very selective when it comes to building relationships with others.
3.) A quiet philosopher with deep thoughts.
4.) Nonchalant that I seem insensitive to things.
5.) A money-making work-addicted machine.
6.) Independent and love seeking things on my own.
7.) A soul-searcher always interlinking things.
8.) Prideful that I'm afraid to show true emotions, and to ask for help.
9.) A hopeless romantic.
10.) An educator who just wants everybody to have education as I did.
11.) A supporter who lets others do what they want, yet guide them when it's needed.
12.) An explorer: I love to try new things.
13.) A self-critic; I know my flaws.
14.) Honest, and I like people to be upfront with me. You learn a lot from it.
15.) Accepting and understanding.
16.) Complicated. Truly am.
17.) Always willing to learn.
18.) Fastidious-- when it comes to guys.
19.) Very chill.
20.) My own muse.

THISSSSS

I want that silly ninja love.
They're so effin' cute. So suitable for me.
WANT!



Beyonce ft Jay-Z "Drunk in Love"

My Bougie Xmas List

Dark lipstick

Timb's.

Kate Spade Fair Maiden Stacy Wallet, but in lacquer red.
OR...

Kate Spade Beacon Court Louie wristlet in strawberry

Long Champ Le Pliage handbag... in black, navy blue or royal blue.
(But you can replace with a Charles & Keith black/gold structured handbag)

Villain crewneck.
Or even the beanie or shirts with Hmong-looking swirls




Ya'll can also add a down comforter/blanket, and a fur coat with black leather gloves.
#ThailandTaughtMe
That's just my own list I want to buy for myself eventually.



But if you want to keep it simple: black ANKLE socks, black leggings, fruits, chocolate, SATC or Fresh Price of BelAir DVD set, and classic literature books will make me super happy :)
<3

I just took a study break.
A LONG study break. I finally have good internet connection to watch Lana Del Rey's "Tropico."
Sometimes I never understand her videos and lyrics, and I think she's freakin' crazy, but I cannot express how beautiful she is to me.
Her work seem so dark.
She seems so dark. And mysterious.
I think that's why I'm so in love with her.
I just have this fascination with mysterious people.
You always want to dig deeper.

And I did.

I just wanted to share her older and first video that I never paid much attention to.
Sometimes you don't have to understand the video or lyrics; sometimes you just have to feel the music. Feel the passion and everything behind it. Interpret how you feel, yet understand what she is trying to portray.
All her music is exquisite with hidden messages.
Innocence. Love. Lost. Lust. Reality. Dreams. Memories. Simplicity. Riches. Life.
Maybe that's why I get so emotional when I listen to her art.
That's how deep her mysterious ways and music are to me.

Back in middle school, I used to go to a charter school.
Yes, I wore uniforms. So, shoes were the only fashion statement we had.
As the ghetto and poor kids we were, we would still spend hundreds of dollars on the freshest and newest kicks. (We also got to show off every other Friday on Jean Day)
I still remember the day I cracked the popular boys' necks.
The popular boys who played basketball.
I purchased and showed off my first purr of Nike Air Force One's.
I was only 12.
I wouldn't say I was popular...
But... I was the quiet, smart, COOL Asian girl with the freshest kicks.
And I lived that title. I loved it.


Now I'm 22.
Me: "oo, he kinda cute!"
*looks down at shoes*
Me: "Nvm."
It's crazy how it still plays a big role in my life-- to judge a guy by the kicks he wears, the music he listens to, the sports he likes, his knowledge in streetlife/streetwear. I just like that stuff. As much as I try to get away from it, and grow from it-- to let it go. It's still what I be crushinnn' all the time. And I feel like it will always be a part of me that cannot escape. I hate to sound so prissy, but I just get so disgusted if I see him wearing all white Nike's that my dad wouldn't even wear, or KSwiss's... And if he listens to top40 ratchet music thinking we have similar taste in music. PLEASE, NO, STOP COMPARING! *sigh, I have problems. I know, I know.


But I'll tell you one thing that IRKSSS me. The fakers.
I'll be honest. I don't know much about kicks. I'm not going to keep up with the new J's releases. I have too many big-girl duties to keep up with those numbers: 7's, 11's, yada yada. Most of all, I'm too busy looking for shoes for myself. Plus, I don't go by trend, I go by my keen eye and my taste. If I like 'em, I'll swoop some up. If I can flaunt it, I'll put down $150 on 'em.

But I can't stand a faker. The one's who just all of a sudden want to wear J's because everybody else is... or most of all, because they know it'll impress chicks and dudes. Honestly, that's NOT you. And honestly, it doesn't even go together with the rest of your outfit. You're going to look back and think to yourself, "what was I thinking?"

And I can't stand those who think they got their shoegame going on... YOU'RE NOT A SNEAKERHEAD IF ALL YOU BUY ARE J'S. Trust. I like guys who like shoes. Those who rock every pair of Nike's from J's to Janoski's to SB's to Blazers. Guys who rock NB's and Kobe's. Guys who can still pull off Sperry's and Chuck's. For the GQ men who can appreciate some real leather boots, canvas shoes, and loafers.
Those are the men who GOT THEIR SHOE GAME ON. Those are men who are INTO FASHION.

So just cuz you always jockin' and rockin' the newest J's nowadays don't mean nothin'... and it doesn't give you street credibility. (I may not act like it but I know my streetwear most of the time! At least, the older underground stuff. I'm getting old.) To me, those who only know how to rock J's do it for others, but for those men who are always lookin' fly and classy, LORD JESUS, I JUST LOVE YOU, cuz I KNOW YOU'RE DOING IT FOR YOURSELF.  *snaps fingers* I just love you. Work. It.

And for the men who have love for old school hip hop music like Talib Kweli and Common, respect for some Lauryn Hill, appreciate some Nujabes, love vibing to the Weeknd and Frank Ocean, and always, always enjoy some nice RnB like John Legend or even SWV, holler this way. I already feel your soul. As a matter of fact, I already feel my soul tingling. Just let me go back home first to clean myself up, lol. I'll be back soon enough.


Here's a throwbackthursday.  I can't believe this was actually a song lol! RIP to the old me, yet you're still within my soul. #reasonswhyimsingle #butitsokay

Looking at the past is oh-so bittersweet.
It's as if time stood still, and your pictures told a tale of what seems faint to you.

It brings moments that make you cry, make you angry, and make you laugh, reflecting on the good times and the bad.

I think it's one of the hardest things to do.
You can look at a photo of your past relationship, and think, "damn, we were so happy. What happened to us? What happened to you..."

You find an old photo, and exclaim, "I was fat!! But that's when I sure was happy and didn't care."
Or you tell yourself, "Wow, I used to look pretty and had such healthy hair."
Sometimes you'll even ask yourself, "Ew, what was I wearing? My make-up looked hit up, too."


Even though some of those photos were just a couple of months ago, or few years ago, it makes you feel like you've aged and changed faster than before. The skin that you're in right now is not the same skin you were in at that time. We change time and time again.

This whole day, I've walked to back and forth to school, absorbing all of my surroundings because it is my last week in my Bangkok hood. I keep on reflecting all the things I have done, the things I overcame, the things I will miss, and the things I have gotten comfortable with.
Although millions of pictures can never do justice to portray how I lived through it all, and to exemplify what I've seen with my keen eyes, at least I have these memories.

*sigh. It only took a few weeks to call this place home, but with reality kicking in, it only took a few months to take it all away from me.


Gone with the wind, you are, Bangkok. You've been my heaven, and my hell. My darkness and my light. You've taught me so much about embracing my surroundings, and being compassionate, yet aggressive at the same time.
You definitely have a place in my heart.


I'll miss my noodle lady who puts peanuts in my tom yum noodle soup, and her husband who starts my day with his morning nod. My securities who salute to me, or make angry then happy faces at me. My fruit ladies who smile at me. My roti lady who makes my roti crispier for me. The lazy dogs with their new shirts. My hair dressers who wave at me. Most of all, all of those who remembered my face because of our language barrier. Everything on my side of the hood will always be my most favorite memory.

No more opening the door to my apartment with my roommate saying, "home sweet home," after a long weekend trip. Definitely no more showing off my rooftop view to my friends, and breathing it all in.

This is the life. This was my life. <3

The Way We Were

"Your girl is lovely, Hubbell."

Watching old seasons of SATC because it seems to be the only interesting English-speaking show in Thailand. Carrie Bradshaw simply says, "I'm Katie!" from this 1973 film. There are two types of women: the simple and the complicated. So are you the simple, pretty girl, or are you the complicated, independent woman? 

It's so crazy to think that I am partially part of Thai history.
I have never participated but the crowd seems to follow me, or I end up running into the crowd wherever I go. It actually seems cool to see how patriotic and passionate the crowds are.

What's even crazier is that photographers will capture the craziest moments, take pictures at a certain angle, and can make something seem so much more intense.
Here I am watching western news and see how violent and aggressive the Thais are. All I see are the repetitive clips of Thais with their gas tears, gas masks, and civilians pulling out barriers. It almost makes my neighborhood look frightening.

However, here I am NOW watching live Thai news of the protest and everybody looks happy, simply fighting for their rights. Not to mention that the protest is 10 minutes away from where I live... and I am still living my life, just chillin'.

This may not be the safest situation, but honestly, if you stay away and mind your own business, it's not all that bad. I love seeing different ways each country portrays each other, especially on the news.

Media, you are so genius. You control us with your fear tactics and you sure do sell it like crazy.
*Reasons why I love my communication major =) Always dissecting and looking things at different angles.


I don't own this picture. Thank you, Google.

I give my condolences to my Hmong NC pageant mama, those who've been killed and injured in the Bangkok protests, and of course, PAUL WALKER. I hate it when we lose beautiful people. My pageant mama who had so much spirit and charisma. Paul Walker with his charm on his way to do some charity work. RIP all.

I just passed by one of the best FB statuses:

Sometimes in life, its not enough to just wake up and breathe. Sure its a blessing, but what are you doing with that breath? Are you breathing easily, making sure you don't break a sweat? Are you doing just enough to get by and be comfortable? You see we procrastinate our growth because of perceived pain. Its going to hurt to clean my room. Its going to hurt to go to work. Its going to hurt to make myself a healthy meal. Instead, i'd rather just clean it later, work later, or throw something in the microwave. And we don't grow. You see, that's the thing about growth. It only comes when we learn to deal with perceived pain. When we decide to face it, rather than run away. Don't you hear stories all the time about amazing people who did easy things? And chose a schedule that was comfortable? Never. Thats because they know and embrace what many people never even tried to learn. They understand that we receive no witness until after the trial of our fate. So stop running away. Stop taking the easiest route. Stop hoping for more in life if you are simply doing the same thing over ,and over ,and over...

Because when this is understood, amazing people happen.

So what will you choose? What path will you take? Will you give up or will you embrace the pain?

Muscles don't grow before they tear..



Shoutout to one of AFS choreographers, Simon, who was inspiration to us all.