I'm a pretty brave girl.
I can jump off of a plane, kill cockroaches, eat alligators, zip across canyons/lake, speak in front of a large audience, etc.



But if there is one thing that I fear the most...
it's not lions, tigers or bears.
It's not war or death.

Hell, even the thought of falling in love frightens me, but there's ultimately one thing that scares me the most.

It's DIVORCE.
The thoughts before, during, and after the process. When one person finds another interest or hobby. When one person gets irritated. When one person decides to give up. When one person falls out of love.

It just takes one person or one little thing at any given time or place that fucks it all up.
No matter how long you have been together, or how much you have invested in time, family, house, commitment, etc.


And the crazy thing is, I know I'm crazy because things like this are always constantly in the back of my head.
"What's the point if we're just going to break up?"
And I constantly need reassurance 'cuz if you're not putting in 70%, I know you're not going to put in 101% when things get rough.
And the crazier thing is, if I cannot even handle a break-up that well, I don't think I can bare a divorce. Because each negative person or thing that I allow to hinder my life, deepens that same old scar. Deeper. And deeper.


One thing my mama told me that always stuck to me is: "When you lose your parents, you're sad, but when you lose your child or your spouse, you feel like a part of you is gone."



To me, that is scary.

So I've been told that I need to get out of this fantasy land because shit like this is normal... but honestly, shit like that hurts. like. hell. I don't believe in accepting what seems to be normal that is actually VERY DIRTY. I believe in genuineness. I believe in going hard, or going home.
And I fuckin' believe in forever, so let me live in this fuckin' fantasy world... because it looks a whole lot better than the rest of this world full of fucked-up people!

Excuse my profanity LOL. I had to add some emphasis.


I dedicate this song to those who don't look far ahead, who don't feel for others, who don't think deeper, who don't love harder, who are just in it to win it or get with it, who have no soul, who are selfish, who are weak, who don't care, who throw people under the bus, who can go to hell. LOL, OK, I quit.

I'm not angry, btw, but once I start talking about dumb people, I just cannot stop.