Deliiiiiilah

Maybe one day I'll call Delilah and request this song haha. <3

So lovely, and I don't even listen to Carrie Underwood.

I'm not sorry that it's over, but for the way we let it end.

I couldn't find the words to say.

Lana Del Rey: Young and Beautiful

She is such a beautiful bad bitch.

I love every inch of her. I've been listening this to sleep, the moment I wake, while I get ready, on the way to work, on the way home, on the way to the sushi bar, and late night.


I could die to this song. <3

I'm a pretty brave girl.
I can jump off of a plane, kill cockroaches, eat alligators, zip across canyons/lake, speak in front of a large audience, etc.



But if there is one thing that I fear the most...
it's not lions, tigers or bears.
It's not war or death.

Hell, even the thought of falling in love frightens me, but there's ultimately one thing that scares me the most.

It's DIVORCE.
The thoughts before, during, and after the process. When one person finds another interest or hobby. When one person gets irritated. When one person decides to give up. When one person falls out of love.

It just takes one person or one little thing at any given time or place that fucks it all up.
No matter how long you have been together, or how much you have invested in time, family, house, commitment, etc.


And the crazy thing is, I know I'm crazy because things like this are always constantly in the back of my head.
"What's the point if we're just going to break up?"
And I constantly need reassurance 'cuz if you're not putting in 70%, I know you're not going to put in 101% when things get rough.
And the crazier thing is, if I cannot even handle a break-up that well, I don't think I can bare a divorce. Because each negative person or thing that I allow to hinder my life, deepens that same old scar. Deeper. And deeper.


One thing my mama told me that always stuck to me is: "When you lose your parents, you're sad, but when you lose your child or your spouse, you feel like a part of you is gone."



To me, that is scary.

So I've been told that I need to get out of this fantasy land because shit like this is normal... but honestly, shit like that hurts. like. hell. I don't believe in accepting what seems to be normal that is actually VERY DIRTY. I believe in genuineness. I believe in going hard, or going home.
And I fuckin' believe in forever, so let me live in this fuckin' fantasy world... because it looks a whole lot better than the rest of this world full of fucked-up people!

Excuse my profanity LOL. I had to add some emphasis.


I dedicate this song to those who don't look far ahead, who don't feel for others, who don't think deeper, who don't love harder, who are just in it to win it or get with it, who have no soul, who are selfish, who are weak, who don't care, who throw people under the bus, who can go to hell. LOL, OK, I quit.

I'm not angry, btw, but once I start talking about dumb people, I just cannot stop.

Mariah Carey ft Miguel: Beautiful

This song kinda makes my heart flutter lol. <3

"The best people possess a feeling for beauty, the courage to take risks, the discipline to tell the truth, the capacity for sacrifice. Ironically, their virtues make them vulnerable; they are often wounded, sometimes destroyed." 

-Ernest Hemingway

I'm nervous.
I'm scared.
I'm scared to fall in love.


When I tell people, I know my feelings, and I know it when I truly like someone, I do.
And I'm starting to get those feelings.

Not with someone, but with something.

I'm going to Cali for the first time in my life, and as time gets closer, I am scared to death.
I'm scared to fall in love with it because once I fall, I fall deep.
Sometimes when I get so caught up that I can never look back.
And the funny thing is, my knees get weak when I think about it.
That's how frightened and nervous I am because this is the determination of my future.


It feels as though it's my first time meeting the man of my dreams.
Now it's the city of my dreams.




It only frightens me because others keep emphasizing how much of a Cali girl I am, how they picture me there or in a big city, how I belong there because I act like the people there. Honestly, I've felt that way deep in my heart since I was a kid. I always told my parents I was moving to Cali (either Santa Monica or San Fran) even before the hype, even before I knew that Cali was supposed to be a cool place to live. I just knew that THAT is where I wanted to be. It's weird for me to even imagine or say that as a kid because I've never been there. The dreams always came and gone, but now... we shall see.


I just want to live somewhere, where I feel like "I belong here. This place is for me. This place is my home. The place is my heart."



I am definitely not ready to fall in love at all... with anyone or anything or any place.