I never knew how good it felt to sit and watch tv while I have a quick dinner for 15 minutes.
I never knew that until a few months ago.


My friends and family tell me I'm crazy, and laugh as they ask if I ever sleep.
I certainly do sleep. I make sure I have time to, yet I still feel restless.


It wasn't until one of my friends and I had this conversation about working out. He asked me, "Do you have a resting day... when you don't do anything but just rest for the whole day?"
I kept thinking to myself... If I'm not at school, I'm at work. If I'm not doing either, I'm studying or doing homework. If not, I'm doing sorority stuff. If not, I'm running errands. If not, I'm working out. If not, I'm making time for faces I haven't seen in awhile. If not, I'm going to random bars/restaurants/other adventures I haven't been to.

...and I kept thinking to myself and realized I absolutely don't. WHO DOES?

I'm surrounded by people who have far less sleep than I do. I know a handful of people who work more than I do... that I didn't understand that question until I took a step back and thought about everything.

I haven't seen a movie at the theater in over 5 months. I can't remember the last time I watched tv at home. I haven't read a book for enjoyment. I don't keep up with blogs as much as I used to (my favorite thing to do when I have the spare time). I don't keep up with The Walking Dead. I don't dress up nor wear make-up like I used. I cannot even recall the last time I went to the mall to shop for myself.

All these things that I used to do, that seemed normal do not seem normal to me anymore. When I see people sit and watch TV on Monday nights, I think they're crazy to even have the time to do that...




I've become so immune to something that seemed impossible. MIND OVER MATTER. MIND OVER MATTER. MIND OVER MATTER. I think I'm okay and that I can handle it all only to realize that I'm really not THAT okay. I even think my body knows itself more than I know myself, that it's slowly malfunctioning on me.

But I can't stop, won't stop. I'll rest when I'm dead.

However, I cannot wait til this month is over with.