Pursuit of Happiness

Nothing drives people crazier than seeing someone have a good fucking life.

-Chuck Palahniuk

I don't believe in getting mad, or getting even. I believe in myself. I believe in staying positive and working hard to be successful. 

And as they say, happiness is the best revenge.


I was talking to one of my guy friends the other day.
He told me that I was lucky because I have everything laid out for me: Thailand, graduation, going back home and getting a job.

It's funny that it all seems so easy as if everything was handed to me.

I told him that I just stayed positive and let God do it all because he has a plan for all of us, and to be patient.
He snarled at me. Ok, maybe not that extreme, but he responded that if the whole world thought the way I did, we'd all be fucked 'cuz things aren't that easy.

YOU RIGHT. But I'm not going to go into details about the negative stuff I had to go through in order to reach a state of mind. I had to work up to where I'm at, but I'm not going to sit and pout about it.

That's when I simply replied to him that, "I've gone through my own share of things to where I'm at, and all those things just taught me to learn how to appreciate the little things. Everything happens for a reason."
And it reminds you that others get pissed to see you happy because they do not know how to have that state of mind as well. They'll never know how to appreciate, love, and be simple. Hence, they're going to be angry people forever. IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD.

I know this 'cuz I used to be that pissy person. Pissed at people who were happy about stupid stuff. Annoyed by people who tried to tell me that life is easy, but we just make it hard on ourselves-- because I felt like he didn't know anything; because I felt like everything was mapped out for him as well.

But in the end, he was fuckin' right. It is so damn true.

When I was younger, I used to watch couples break-up to make-up.

This is when I was only a kid. Those couples were my brothers' friends. Even as a kid I had my own opinions.


There's that couple that has been together for years ever since they were pre-teens. He was cute. She was pretty. One day they break up and you have no idea why. You were too young to know anyway.

He starts dating another girl. Pretty girl, too, but the family doesn't like her as much as the ex.
Ya gotta admit, they were a cute couple though.

Ups and downs. Break up. Make up. Break up again. Make up again.
Until one day, they really did break up, and moved on.

New girl. Yuck.
New guy. Eh?


And now that I'm older and look back at all these couples, it seems like everything fell into place the way it should have.
The girls who gotten their heart broken are happily in love with wonderful men, or are independently living their lives. And they still look so beautiful as ever.
The guy who just never seemed to learn, ages. LOL. I don't know how else to put it, but he aged physically and mentally.
It is as if they were all destined to be apart with somebody else for both good and bad reasons.

And then there's that couple that people thought they were for sure going to get married, even if they had broken up awhile. We all thought they would get back together after their break, after they have grown separately. But they never got back together. At all. He moved on. People grew skeptical because the new couple were so different from each other. Of course, there are always comparisons like the ex was cuter and was cooler. The new gf is really nice and sweet, but not as pretty. He changed and seemed so fake. But they're together, and have been together forever, happily married, and created a family.


The couple that seemed less likely to last, end up being together forever.

It never made sense to me as a kid, and it always shocked me. "Oh no, they were so cute though. What happened?" As I've gotten older and seen the scenario happen one too many times, it all became very clear to me that everything always makes sense when you stop trying to make sense of things.
'Cuz in the end, everybody seems pretty freakin' happy-- and that's all that matters.

Everything happens for a reason. Either we find ourselves, or find a compatible partner. Self-growth. Self-reflection.
Don't break up to make up. Break up to grow up.



This crazy world. I LOVE IT.

Lenny Williams: Cause I Love You

Taking it back.
*shivers*

I just realized today is officially my last day of school at University of South Florida. I was too busy thinking about work, paperwork for Thailand, and studying for my two finals... that I did not realize that I will no longer be attending to USF as an undergraduate student.


It is so bittersweet, and sudden.


It didn't hit me until my professor posted an announcement for our senior capstone class: "Education is the continual discovery of your own ignorance...so make ongoing learning a part of your personal and professional life."


Now that school is partially over for me, I cannot wait to discover more things in life by taking up random challenges, living a healthy life, reading more books, traveling, and being actively productive.

Listening to this as I study. One of my favorite songs and videos.
So simple, yet so embracing.
Love it.

"Love is passion, obsession, someone you can’t live without. If you don’t start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who’ll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I’m not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you’ll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven’t lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven’t tried, you haven’t lived."

- Meet Joe Black

It all makes so much sense to me now. I've had my guard up for the longest, and I'm waiting for the right person to be vulnerable to. One who makes me weak, yet strong. One who leads me, yet runs along with me.
I'll never get that unless I try, unless I just open up and let myself feel vulnerable as if it were first time.

Needless to say, she is a sexy commodity. 

He gives me hope.
I am in love with this man.
Chivalry at its finest.

I am OBSESSED with this movie.
Definitely a must-see. There was not one dull second in this film. I laughed throughout the whole movie and was in great awe with the graphics. Of course, I ended up bawling my eyes out towards the end of the movie. I'm not much of a person who cries, so when I do, I fan myself and apologize for crying. LOL. It was so heart-felt. I don't play when it comes to parent-children relationship scenes.

A film about growth, positiveness, imagination, change, and being adventurous.
I want a guy just like Guy. He is my dream guy.

While I watched this movie, it reminded me of my previous entry about a light shining through if you stay positive because things will get better as time goes by.
Follow the Sun to a better place called Tomorrow.

<3

Dare to Click Me

I find things like this very amusing. I love play on words and little art that makes me chuckle. Cute. Really cute. I see you.
I don't own these photos, but I had to share them.
My late night entertainment while I take a mini-break from studying. Click for more photos.

I remember the first time I heard this version a month or so ago, it shot me in the heart.
Tears of sadness and joy ran down all at once.

The song definitely plays out my life at 17-- when I had my first heartbreak with my parents' divorce and my very own first breakup.
At that moment, you always think to yourself that you'll be okay. When you realize that you're not okay, you keep asking yourself when things will get better. You swear that things won't improve because so much has changed, you have changed... it will never be the same.
You wish you could be yourself again, and have things be back to the way they were.
You could weep, pray, and wish all you want only to realize that it is impossible.

It took me about two years or so to forgive and forget my breakup. It took me an additional two years to accept my parents' divorce.
Up to this day, I'll hear songs of the days that made me the most joyous at 16 years young, and of my reckless days at the age of 17, and I can still remember how everything changed. 

But I couldn't have asked for anything else, and teaching myself to overcome those days. I am happy that it happened because it only brought me to where I am standing today.
Even if things don't go accordingly, never stop wishing and dreaming.
Some light will shine through and project you to a place where you least expected.


Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

I was working out... and as soon as I received a text that the baby has finally arrived, I rushed to the hospital to meet this precious thing. Excuse my hair, lol.

I've been dying to see how the JamaicanHmong baby would look like. I love her sho much. There has been so many blessed things happening. My brother had proposed to his girlfriend, and now my best friend had her baby. It brought mild tears to my eyes. We're all getting so old! Geez, I'm up next...

I haven't felt this excited in a long, long time. I love my LS, and I love Kendrick Lamar.
I was four inches away from touching his hand! Lol, I was so close.
These are the moments I live for. 

Teedra Moses "Be Your Girl"

This goes out to my, future-you.

The melody just sets the mood. It gives me the chills 'cuz this is how I get when I know I'm feelin' somebody.
I know my feelings and when I'm into somebody enough to boo them up.

That's why I stay single, 'cuz I stay true to myself. 

I never knew how good it felt to sit and watch tv while I have a quick dinner for 15 minutes.
I never knew that until a few months ago.


My friends and family tell me I'm crazy, and laugh as they ask if I ever sleep.
I certainly do sleep. I make sure I have time to, yet I still feel restless.


It wasn't until one of my friends and I had this conversation about working out. He asked me, "Do you have a resting day... when you don't do anything but just rest for the whole day?"
I kept thinking to myself... If I'm not at school, I'm at work. If I'm not doing either, I'm studying or doing homework. If not, I'm doing sorority stuff. If not, I'm running errands. If not, I'm working out. If not, I'm making time for faces I haven't seen in awhile. If not, I'm going to random bars/restaurants/other adventures I haven't been to.

...and I kept thinking to myself and realized I absolutely don't. WHO DOES?

I'm surrounded by people who have far less sleep than I do. I know a handful of people who work more than I do... that I didn't understand that question until I took a step back and thought about everything.

I haven't seen a movie at the theater in over 5 months. I can't remember the last time I watched tv at home. I haven't read a book for enjoyment. I don't keep up with blogs as much as I used to (my favorite thing to do when I have the spare time). I don't keep up with The Walking Dead. I don't dress up nor wear make-up like I used. I cannot even recall the last time I went to the mall to shop for myself.

All these things that I used to do, that seemed normal do not seem normal to me anymore. When I see people sit and watch TV on Monday nights, I think they're crazy to even have the time to do that...




I've become so immune to something that seemed impossible. MIND OVER MATTER. MIND OVER MATTER. MIND OVER MATTER. I think I'm okay and that I can handle it all only to realize that I'm really not THAT okay. I even think my body knows itself more than I know myself, that it's slowly malfunctioning on me.

But I can't stop, won't stop. I'll rest when I'm dead.

However, I cannot wait til this month is over with.

  

Roommate: Where you going?
Me: No where.


It's been a minute since I just had time for myself... to just put on some make-up for nothing.
Happy Thursday, almost Friday :D

My mother always told me that I wouldn't ever be able to survive on my own because I never cooked. I was worried myself that I would never be able to make a meal for my future husband, his family, and our kids. I knew I was spoiled-- I had food on the table, got everything taken care of, I rarely had to wash the dishes, etc. I swore I wouldn't ever be able to cook, not that I was unwilling to. Not to mention that I wouldn't have the patience for it.

Well, here I am! Cooking up the storm for the past two years, and I love it. I love sharing my food and I realized it makes me happy to be in the kitchen. I am finally making the promise to myself that I would be that women who could cook Thai, Hmong, Italian, Filipino, Vietnamese, Spanish, etc. food. I am excited to learn more! Shoutout to those who helped me, and those who shared their recipes.

Green Curry Mussels & Three-Taste Fish with Fried Calamari

Mahi-Mahi salad with lentils and eggplants

Phad Bai Kapow (Thai Basil) & Thai Noodle Soup

Sinigang, menudo, adobo, and stir-fried Hmong dish with tofu/tomatoes/etc.

Milk Chocolate Chip Pancakes

Corn & Stuffed Pizza with ground turkey

Traditional Hmong food. Boiled chicken, stuffed angel wings

Baked ziti with ground turkey

Ice cream with pomegranate seeds and pineapples

Chicken Katsu

Puerto Rican Shrimp Fried Rice and Plantains

Chicken wings and shepherd's pie

More chicken wings with special sauce :D

BBQ ribs that melt off the bone

Up to this day, I cannot emphasize how one of the best spontaneous trips I've ever taken was to DC. It was that moment when I was so proud to be Hmong. I got to meet a handful of humble people who took me in as if I were no stranger. They took great care of my friend and me the whole weekend to make sure we got around safe and sound. Seriously, their house was my house. Not only that, but I enjoyed being in their company. It was such a positive atmosphere, where I learned so much about culture, history, and little things here and there. I miss it. I miss it, a lot. I got kind of sad knowing that my brother left that place.

The highlight of my weekend there was meeting Doualy Xaykaothao, a Hmong woman who works for NPR in SE Asia. She is my idol! It was so random to meet her. She has this charisma that I cannot explain. Sweet, humble, bubbly, social, smart, etc. She could spark up a conversation. Knowing how well-rounded she is, she never made anybody feel as if they were lower than she. She is living the life, waking up to a job that she loves, and being surrounded by cultural shock. 

I started thinking about all these other idols of mine (other than Beyonce)

Audrey Hepburn, UNICEF ambassador. Many girls like her because she is a fashion icon and is all over photos. It bothers me because I know many girls never watched her films other than "Breakfast at Tiffany's," and do not know about her UNICEF experience.

Anuradha Koirala, social activist in Nepal helping sex trafficking victims and also recognized as a CNN Hero in 2010.

Rebel. Think outside of the box. Get out of your comfort zone. Expand your horizon. Stand up for what you love. Strive for what you want. And be the change that you want to see.

“If you don't step out of your comfort zone and face your fears, the number of situations that make you uncomfortable will keep growing. ” Theo Pistorius

She's better.
You're cuter.
She sounds smart.
Daaamn, he downgraded.


There's always going to be somebody who is prettier, smarter, uglier, dumber, nicer, or crazier than you are.
Your friends are always going to back you up because they know YOU. Everybody has different opinions.


You just need to stop, look at the mirror and tell yourself, "Shit, I'm the best."


'Cuz that's what I do.
That's why nobody can handle me.
And that's why, I don't care about how pretty, smart, ugly, dumb, nice, or crazy somebody is... because I know I'm still going to proceed with my life to greater heights with or without them.
To me, there's no such thing as a downgrade or upgrade with a past or a future.
All I know is that I am a catalyst.

DASSIT.