Sivey: Pink Matter (Sivey Slow Burn Edit)
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Saturday, February 2, 2013
If you knew me in high school, I had crazy dreams. I was a believer, and a dreamer.
I knew deep in my heart, I had a sole purpose of living life... and that I wasn't put on Earth just because, not just to live.
I wanted to change the world.
I wanted to save the world.
At least, I could make a difference in somebody's life.
I was that girl that everybody knew "She's going places."
Occasionally, I spent as much time as I could to hang out with students with disabilities, or volunteer.
And I was that girl who had the biggest passion to stop trafficking, and those going through genocide. I never felt so good writing a 10 page research paper on human trafficking, and crying while I wrote about it. Even up to this day, I have to suck it in when guest speakers talk about those topics-- and I am so good at it!
My best friends and I used to stay up all night talking about our dreams. Our dreams of going to Africa and helping those in need. She wanted to join the Peace Corps. I just wanted to sacrifice my life for somebody. I wanted to feel so compelled by somebody's lifestyle and culture. While everyone dreamed of living in London and Paris, I was dreaming of meeting African tribes, the women in the Middle East, and the poor in India.
Those were my dreams... dreams of being an empowering woman, dreams of being a traveling journalist, dreams of just being a woman of the world. It sounds extreme, I know, but it seemed so... attainable, and so worth it.
And only a few people know about these dreams (partially or even to its entirety): my ex. my HS friends.
I reached to the lowest point in my life though.
It was about 3 years ago when my ex (after a year of our break up) randomly texted me, "Are you still trying to be woman of the world?"
I simply told him, "I'm just busy trying to be Marsha Yang first."
And I was. It took me my whole college life trying to slowly pick up the pieces, and find myself. Fix myself. To be who I once was, or to be better.
And only one of my HS friend can honestly tell me that she would be disappointed if I didn't finish what I started, or that she always saw me as THIS person, or THAT person.
A couple of weeks ago, I rekindled with one of my old HS buddies. It's funny how things never really changed. We still jog, play tennis, eat, chitchat, and even shower together like old times. What's even funnier is how we still talk about the same thing. She still wants to do the Peace Corps. I still want my life-changing journey. We both just talk about wanting to see the world.
It's these people who remind me of everything I wanted and dreamt in my life.
Now that I finally feel like I'm at the climax of my life again, I'm ready. Ready to engage in this world.
I'm hoping 2013 will be the change in my life that I've been waiting for.
I knew deep in my heart, I had a sole purpose of living life... and that I wasn't put on Earth just because, not just to live.
I wanted to change the world.
I wanted to save the world.
At least, I could make a difference in somebody's life.
I was that girl that everybody knew "She's going places."
Occasionally, I spent as much time as I could to hang out with students with disabilities, or volunteer.
And I was that girl who had the biggest passion to stop trafficking, and those going through genocide. I never felt so good writing a 10 page research paper on human trafficking, and crying while I wrote about it. Even up to this day, I have to suck it in when guest speakers talk about those topics-- and I am so good at it!
My best friends and I used to stay up all night talking about our dreams. Our dreams of going to Africa and helping those in need. She wanted to join the Peace Corps. I just wanted to sacrifice my life for somebody. I wanted to feel so compelled by somebody's lifestyle and culture. While everyone dreamed of living in London and Paris, I was dreaming of meeting African tribes, the women in the Middle East, and the poor in India.
Those were my dreams... dreams of being an empowering woman, dreams of being a traveling journalist, dreams of just being a woman of the world. It sounds extreme, I know, but it seemed so... attainable, and so worth it.
And only a few people know about these dreams (partially or even to its entirety): my ex. my HS friends.
I reached to the lowest point in my life though.
It was about 3 years ago when my ex (after a year of our break up) randomly texted me, "Are you still trying to be woman of the world?"
I simply told him, "I'm just busy trying to be Marsha Yang first."
And I was. It took me my whole college life trying to slowly pick up the pieces, and find myself. Fix myself. To be who I once was, or to be better.
And only one of my HS friend can honestly tell me that she would be disappointed if I didn't finish what I started, or that she always saw me as THIS person, or THAT person.
A couple of weeks ago, I rekindled with one of my old HS buddies. It's funny how things never really changed. We still jog, play tennis, eat, chitchat, and even shower together like old times. What's even funnier is how we still talk about the same thing. She still wants to do the Peace Corps. I still want my life-changing journey. We both just talk about wanting to see the world.
It's these people who remind me of everything I wanted and dreamt in my life.
Now that I finally feel like I'm at the climax of my life again, I'm ready. Ready to engage in this world.
I'm hoping 2013 will be the change in my life that I've been waiting for.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
My 2013 Traveling Plans
San Fran
Virgin Islands
Getting closer to the Hmong/Thai/Laos culture while I study abroad in Thailand, and make quick visits to other surrounding countries while I'm there.
Phuket
Bali, Indonesia
Manila, PI
Phnom Phen, Cambodia
I'm going to be so broke, but I'm crossing fingers this all happens, or at least half of them... I gotta make sure it happens!
PS: I do not own these photos (google!)
Friday, January 25, 2013
We expect too much so we will never be satisfied.
True statement, but 99.9% of the time I still wonder if guys just don't know how to please most of the time.
Anybody can ask me about my pasts.
I had one who gave me all the attention and affection that I needed. Something he lacked: being a man about things. Yup, I was that girl who wore the pants in the relationship, paying for this and that.
I had another who supported me financially, and always took me to fine restaurants. Something I wasn't too fond of: his numbness and lack of affection. I'm just looking for something meaningful and true.
I've had a few who I've crossed that didn't quite have a clean background, had no ambition, was too comfortable, was boring, etc.
I have a few girlfriends who I've been chitchatting with.
From the outside looking in, I thought this girl was lucky. She was donning on Marc Jacobs, Michael Kors, Burberry. You name it, she got them as SURPRISED gifts. I keep telling her she. is. lucky. What's the issue? He'd never fall in love, and he controlled her. Her love don't cost a thing.
Another friend of mine was with somebody who takes care of her financially. He was an ambitious and family-oriented man, nothing like the man before. They travel all over: Puerto Rico, Miami, DC, etc. Wouldn't it be nice to be with somebody you can travel with? But then again, it's not all that great being stuck with somebody who always talks to you in a demeaning way.
And I have another friend who has a man who treats her like a princess. She gets spoiled with gifts and he does eh-ver-ee-thang for her, and still puts up with her. I'd say any girl would be lucky to have him. There's one minor thing though: he didn't please her enough... in bed.
I'm sitting here wondering what in the world is going on in their head? At least we know what we want, and how we want it-- for the most part.
We can't have it all, but I'm going to be selfish and tell myself I WANT IT ALL.... and I'm gonna get what I want.
I want the whooole I-GOT-MYSELF-TOGETHER package. Ambitious, funny, patient, communicative, clean-looking, traveling, family-oriented, humble, loving, open-minded, adventurous, spontaneous, hardworking, intelligent, crazy ol' partner. I'm gonna sound vain, but I just want somebody who's like ME; not exactly like me, but close enough to be me. THAT's when I'll be satisfied.
True statement, but 99.9% of the time I still wonder if guys just don't know how to please most of the time.
Anybody can ask me about my pasts.
I had one who gave me all the attention and affection that I needed. Something he lacked: being a man about things. Yup, I was that girl who wore the pants in the relationship, paying for this and that.
I had another who supported me financially, and always took me to fine restaurants. Something I wasn't too fond of: his numbness and lack of affection. I'm just looking for something meaningful and true.
I've had a few who I've crossed that didn't quite have a clean background, had no ambition, was too comfortable, was boring, etc.
I have a few girlfriends who I've been chitchatting with.
From the outside looking in, I thought this girl was lucky. She was donning on Marc Jacobs, Michael Kors, Burberry. You name it, she got them as SURPRISED gifts. I keep telling her she. is. lucky. What's the issue? He'd never fall in love, and he controlled her. Her love don't cost a thing.
Another friend of mine was with somebody who takes care of her financially. He was an ambitious and family-oriented man, nothing like the man before. They travel all over: Puerto Rico, Miami, DC, etc. Wouldn't it be nice to be with somebody you can travel with? But then again, it's not all that great being stuck with somebody who always talks to you in a demeaning way.
And I have another friend who has a man who treats her like a princess. She gets spoiled with gifts and he does eh-ver-ee-thang for her, and still puts up with her. I'd say any girl would be lucky to have him. There's one minor thing though: he didn't please her enough... in bed.
I'm sitting here wondering what in the world is going on in their head? At least we know what we want, and how we want it-- for the most part.
We can't have it all, but I'm going to be selfish and tell myself I WANT IT ALL.... and I'm gonna get what I want.
I want the whooole I-GOT-MYSELF-TOGETHER package. Ambitious, funny, patient, communicative, clean-looking, traveling, family-oriented, humble, loving, open-minded, adventurous, spontaneous, hardworking, intelligent, crazy ol' partner. I'm gonna sound vain, but I just want somebody who's like ME; not exactly like me, but close enough to be me. THAT's when I'll be satisfied.
Monday, January 21, 2013
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